Rites of Passage

by Warwick Marsh



Who is Brian Molitor?

Let me tell you.


Brian Molitor is CEO of Molitor International, a leadership training and management consultancy in the USA. Brian is named among the 'Who's Who Worldwide' for outstanding business leadership. His most recent book, 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' is about rites of passage, manhood and a father's blessing. Brian is also the founder of the Malachi Global Foundation. He has been married for 23 years and has four children. 'Boy's Passage Man's Journey' is available at www.koorong.com.au Here is Brian's own words about the subject.

When a young male reaches his teen years, he instinctively looks for ways to affirm his manhood. In societies where rites of passage are part of the norm, each young male participates in a formal ceremony during which his manhood is publicly and undeniably affirmed. From that day forward, he is treated differently by those around him and receives more freedom, rights and privileges. In response the young man begins to think and act more an as adult than as a child. For the rest of his life he pursues maturity rather than manhood.

In contrast, a young male living in a society with no formal rites of passage must find his own path to adulthood. Without formal affirmation of his transformation, he vainly tries to find manhood on his own through a variety of means. Sadly, his pursuit of manhood rather than maturity will lead him down many side roads that are fruitless at best, destructive at worst.

While the two concepts, manhood and maturity seem very similar, they are as different as night and day. Manhood is bestowed upon a young male by the trusted elders (fathers, grandfathers, uncles, pastors, coaches, teachers) of his society during a rite of passage. Maturity is gained as a man grows in knowledge, wisdom and character. Manhood is a gift that we adults give to our sons. Maturity is the gift that they give back to us.

On the long flight from Africa, it became clear to me that without a rite of passage and some very deliberate mentoring along the way, each of us remains trapped within a false image of who we are. As I looked more deeply into the matter of 'growing up', I made a list of negative childish actions. Selfishness was definitely high on the list, followed by complaining, quitting when faced with a difficult situation, throwing temper tantrums, spewing threats of self-destruction, struggling with short attention spans, and demanding one's own way without regard for the needs of others.

It is clear that the lack of an intentional transition into adulthood creates a variety of problems for men of all ages. In an attempt to compensate for the lack of a transitional event, some teenage males unknowingly create their own rites of passage by resorting to violence, alcohol other drugs and sexual conquest. In the corporate world some men in leadership positions use the authority of their job titles to prove they have arrives, threatening others into submission. Like bullies who stalk junior-high schoolyards, these 'grown' men live to verbally wrestle and pin their weaker opponents during staff meetings.

Often men in their late thirties, forties, and fifties stumble into what is commonly called a midlife crisis. During this time men become consumed with a desire to search for meaning and identity in their lives. This sounds strangely similar to the vision quest that White Fox undertook at age fourteen.

In today's society men seem to have a difficult time settling into life. Many struggle with a 'Peter Pan syndrome'. They do not want to grow up, and yet they realise they were created for a higher purpose than endless play in never-never land. How sad it is to see men at the end of their lives, estranged from their families, still unsure about spiritual realities, still questioning the reason for their own existence, and still wondering if they have succeeded in growing into manhood. Just as sad to see are the countless families whose sons fall into the predictable traps along the road of life because they don't know what a man is, much less how to become one.

Lovework

What Brian says about boy's transitions to manhood and rites of passage also applies to girl's transitions to womanhood. Brian's wife Kathy has just completed a book to help girls in their transition to womanhood. I encourage you to do one or both of two things. Buy a copy of boy's Passage Man's Journey for yourself or consider coming to a Boys Passage Man's Journey Seminar in a city near you.

The Fatherhood Foundation is sponsoring the 'Turning Hearts Speaking Tour 2006' with Brian Molitor from the Malachi Global Foundation.

This is a wonderful opportunity to hear a world leader in the fatherhood movement on his first visit to Australia. 'carpe deim' is Latin for 'seize the day'. I can't think of a better way to say it.

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Yours for the children


Warwick Marsh