Fathers and Daughters
Steve Keijzer
Fatherhood Foundation Newsletter
My 16 year-old daughter came home recently and told me of an assignment that she had to complete. The assignment consisted of a written and oral presentation on a person who had a profound impact on her life. For that person she had chosen me, as her father, who was the one who had the most profound impact on her life. This was a scary proposition for me as I was not expecting to be in this position. I had been expecting her to choose my wife.
Once I had got over the initial shock, I was humbled by the fact that she simply stated to me that she could not think of a better person to write about. It had not really occurred to me that I was a person to emulate and admire.
We, (my daughter and I) had to spend some time together recounting shaping factors and defining moments in my life. These were the things that made me who I am and shaped my belief system into what it is today. I explained to her that my greatest belief was that God is, and He wants to make and mould us like Jesus. This is the basis of my whole belief system and all else builds on this foundation. This is where I get my moral guidance from, my opinions and beliefs are formed from here and I am a greater person as a result.
We then went into lengthy and wide-ranging discussion about factors that affected me and have shaped me. I explained to her that I have a saying that goes like this:
'In life you may have been given a pile of rubble but you can make a castle out of it'.
I told her many things that I had shared with no other person apart from my wife. I shared with her that I had a very unhappy childhood and was unhappy until I met and married my current wife (18 years). These childhood experiences taught me things that I vowed never to repeat. One of these was that I would never give my children the upbringing that I received. Another was that I would treat my children fairly and equally. I spoke to her of the handicap that my childhood turned out to be. So that when I left home and entered into the big bad world my childhood did not prepare me socially, for life and the interactions with other people. I have had to learn all these lessons the hard way. I told her too, how I feel that life is a learning process and we are all capable of changing and one of the greatest things that I have is three children who love my wife and I.
During our discussions, I told my daughter that there is some school of thought that men are basically redundant in this modern society and that all upbringing, nurturing and caring should be done by the women. I also explained to her that I don't feel that this is the case because good men provide a different viewpoint and therefore a greater, more rounded upbringing for their children.
Good fathers are responsible for their sons, but they are also responsible for their daughters and have a lasting impact on these lives too. My daughter gave the speech and received an A+.
I hope that this is of some assistance because it has been instructional and very inspirational to me.
Regards to all and I hope you are inspired in 2008.
Steve
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